Beware the Intimate Enemy

You can’t win with the Intimate Enemy. This is someone who is close to you. The intimate enemy will tell you he/she cares about you, yet constantly tries to diminish and even damage you in insidious ways. Rather than congratulating you on your victories, either large or small, they negate the entire experience. The worst thing about it is that an intimate enemy can be a friend, parent, spouse, or sibling.

Things an intimate enemy says:

You: Do you like my toes?

Intimate Enemy: Nice midget feet.

You: I just won the McArthur Genius Award!

IE: Really? I applied for that too. Let me send them an email to see what the status of my entry is.

You: I met this guy (or girl if you’re a him) and he’s really awesome and he likes me a lot!

IE: I met someone too, and he wants to take me to Paris.

You: I just bought myself a ticket to Puerto Rico. Gonna go there for the weekend and enjoy myself.

IE: Why Puerto Rico? I would have bought a ticket to Spain.

You: I’ve been running and I’ve lost ten pounds in a month.

IE: It takes you a month to loose ten pounds? How slow is your metabolism?

You: I’m going to make healthcare accessible to all in this country.

IE: I’m an American and I support a Public Option.


Bottom line is, that bitch don’t like you!